quinta-feira, 10 de junho de 2010

O famigerado dote no Paquistao - By Sehrish

Olha gente, que presentao da nossa amiga e consultora de assuntos "paquistanesisticos" lol  para que possamos entender como funciona o so called "Dower"  (dote) no Paquistao.
O que eh de acordo com o Islam e o que eh apenas joguinho de interesses das familias envolvidas? Sehrish responde a essas e outras questoes sobre esse polemico tema...
Confiram!
Hi Readers!
Foto: reproducao - Google images
How are you? 
I hope you are doing well. I know I am writing after very long time. But Today’s topic is very interesting. I am going to tell you about “dower”. 
Dower rights of women are mandatory in any Muslim marriage. In Arabic language it is called mahr, mehr or meher (In Pakistan people used to call it Haq Mehar) . It is a gift which becomes payable to wife immediately after marriage but before sexual intercourse. It is not essentially to be money but can be any valuable thing like property, ornaments or anything else which is agreed between the Muslim marriage partners. It is in fact a financial gain which the wife receives as a respect by virtue of the marriage contract itself. It is not sale price for bride. But it is part of the Muslim marriage contract where wife and husband agree to live together, bear children and develop a family unit.
However, it is not a ‘bride price’ in any sense. The main difference between a dower and bride price is that former is paid to the wife while the later is paid to the parents. You can understand that the wife is not selling anything to the husband. It is just a token of respect and a part of financial rights of the women in Islam.
It is generally supposed that the main object of dower in Muslim marriage is to offer protection to the wife against the arbitrary powers of the husband in exercising the right of divorce. However, it was neither goal of the dower nor intended by Quran. When procedure of Quran for divorce is followed the arbitrary powers assumed by husband in exercising the right of divorce become minimal. On the other hand the dower rights are always obligatory.
A dower may be specified or proper. However, dower rights become payable on divorce or death of husband if not paid immediately after marriage. No Muslim is allowed to take back the dower amount whether specified or proper in any condition.
The amount of dower is ordinarily fixed by a contract on the marriage certificate. However, there is no limit either to the maximum or the minimum of the amount of dower. It should be fixed depending upon circumstances of husband and wife, to stop husband in exercising the right of device arbitrarily, the position of the paternal family of the woman, intellectual attainments of the woman, personal qualifications and attractions of the woman, wealth of husband, conditions of the society and so on.
This is the reality, purpose, implementation and history of dower. But the real picture of dower is opposite to it. In Pakistan sensible people took it as it is. They do not misunderstand it and use it as it is said by Allah and our Prophet. But many people use dower as “bride price”. This practice mostly done by illiterate people belongs to very backward areas. As they people are illiterate and also they do not have money. So they sell their daughters to very rich people and after that they do no even go to see her. Now their daughter became someone else (her husband’s) property. They have no concern with her daughter’s life.
On the other hand greedy people do this practice to remove their greed. They demand a lot of thins like money, property, ornaments in dower and portion of this keep with himself and rest of give to their daughter. They people said that by demanding such a huge dower we are securing our daughter. But question is how they are securing? Or is money securing the future of a person? Let me explain you. They people thinks that if we demand huge dower and husband is not in position to give that huge dower …and in case in future he thinks to divorce his wife then he can not, just because that he can not pay off dower amount n if he divorced his wife he has to pay dower at any cost if he will not then wife can go to court and can claim for it. A little bit stupid thinking. is not it…???
Now let me tell you some true stories about this practice. A family did her daughter marriage at very good family and demand huge dower as security of her daughter life. Basically they are greedy. A groom accepts their all terms and agrees to pay that huge amount of dower. As Nikah done he divorce his wife at the spot and pay off all amount of dower and go back to his home. What is the moral of this story? First of all greed is curse. Secondly, parents are securing her daughter but even money can not secure her life. Thirdly, They got insulted and ashamed in front of all people. Here in Pakistan divorced girl is less accepted. Divorce is taken as a symbol of dishonor. Thirdly, people are doing business marriages. Parents are searching for rich families who can able to give huge amount as dower and in this way they secure their and theirs daughter’s future anyway. On the other hand, parents of boy try to find rich families who can give huge dowry ( in Urdu is called jahaiz). Huge amount of dower is a status symbol. Very less people accurately use and implement this term as Islam described.
Mostly, in Pakistan cash or property e.g.; house or land gives in dower whereas ornaments are given as a first gift from groom to bride. Dower is a right of women and groom has to pay it at any cost. As I mentioned before that he has to pay it before sexual relationship. But in any case he can not give it that time then it is his liability and he has to pay it in his life. A very stupid practice here in Pakistan regarding dower is…when after Nikah Groom goes to his bride (on first night) mostly males asks their wives to forgive or remove the liability of dower from them. As Paki girls are so emotional and stupid they forgive that dower amount. In this case now groom is not liable to pay amount of dower. 
From Islamic point of view it is wrong. In few areas of Pakistan mothers of girls teach them before marriage that forgive the amount of dower it will put good impact on your groom. As in Pakistan girl is always an independent entity so she obeys his mother saying.
I hope this knowledge is new for you. I am waiting for your comments, questions and suggestions.
Take Care
Sehrish

8 comentários:

Gori disse...

Very good post, Sehrish!!
It is best when someone from the culture explains and remove all the myths regarding these things.
Sometimes it seems like if it's someone else, people disbelieve... or just see it as "oh your just lucky because with YOU it is different".

Oh well... keep up with the great posts!

Shukriya Eve and Sehrish!

Mishal Zohaib disse...

Thanx Jani...=)

Ah people, for this post, plz try to comment in english if possible ok?

stefani-lolita disse...

Ok Mishal. I read it and i liked a lot. It is very good and took some doubts that i had. But please if i wanna a trip for exemple, when i marry can not i it? I wanted to go to a romantic place with my husband. So he would pay everything :D hehe. Thanks dear. TATA

Sehrish disse...

Stefeni
hahahaha....According to Islam...First husband had to pay off his liabilty of dower then he has to do all other thing like honey moon or physical relaton etc.but unfortunately, husbnad put his liabity off (means do not consider it mandatory or priority) and done all other things as i told u.so u can do on trip;-)

stefani-lolita disse...

oh it is bad... so if i want to do a trip alone, can i? I ask it before we do relation of course, i think i understood, the husband pays the dower and after we do some relation :D But i think the dower has to be a thing hmmm leave i see... an object, or can it be others things too?

Thanks for answer me

sandra disse...

hello, Sehrish
I have a doubt about the dower.do you think Pakistani men are looking foreign women just to avoid having to pay the dower? Another question. I wonder if it's possible to have a wedding in Pakistan in the presence of the two customs of different religions (in my case the Catholic religion and Islam). I want to thank you for clarifying our doubts.

Sehrish disse...

@SANDRA
Either Pakistani amle got married with pakistani girl or any foreigner girl...dower is hsi liabity in both cases and he has to pay it with in his life....
Marriage in mixed custom is very normal practice now-a-days.It depends on people of those customs that how they want to take place their marriages.Some people do marriages according to their tradition (as Everyn (Mishal's) wedding done. Most of my cousins done marriages with foreigners girl soem are muslim and some are non-muslim. First they chnage their religion and accept Islam and then got married accordng to Islamic way of wedding. But some people likes mixes customs. Mixture of both islamic and non-islamic tradition. It all up yo people that what they likes and want.

sandra disse...

thanks for the answer, Sehrish.

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